Kentucky: Day Five
GPS and Kentucky Roads
Okay Kentucky, what the hell? Day five, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever… I’ll get to that.
Let me start by admitting that I am dangerously close to becoming my grandparents with 12:00 #blink# #blink# #blink#-ing on the VCR because I can’t figure out how to set the time. I always assumed I would continue to be the computer-building, early tech-adopting super cool guy that I am (was) until I faded away.
Nope… 12:00 #blink# #blink# #blink#
The super-chic rented minivan is full of technology; GPS, built-in phone connection, particle accelerator… the whole deal. Except I can’t for the life of me figure out what the parameters are for connecting my phone. I believe it has something to do with relative humidity and/or barometric pressure, but I’m not certain. Sometimes Mary Maplady and her computery voice is happy to talk to us and guide us around Kentucky, other times… not so much. I have no idea why she goes on strike or decides that now would be the time to pipe up with some navigational instruction.
12:00 #blink# #blink# #blink#
Add to this that it turns out that our underwear-change inducing drive in Red River Gorge might not have been the unique Kentucky driving experience that we thought it was. There are roads in Kentucky that are ‘roads’ in the sense that they are (or were once) paved and there aren’t trees growing in the path you’re on. Mary Maplady prefers… nay… ADORES these ‘roads’ and goes out of her way to make sure we travel on them whenever possible. Today she decided that she would put in a full day’s work and guide us toward the Maker’s Mark Distillery. I’m pretty sure we drove through someone’s living room at one point. Sorry about that… a little Tide Stain Stick and baking soda will get those tire marks out of your carpet.
We wound our way around roads that are 6/11ths of a lane wide, with blind 90 degree turns and hills that crest to reveal whether there is a pickup truck barreling at you or not. The kind of relaxing, leisurely drive, after which you take a minute to pry your fingernails out of the dashboard and try to get the circulation back in your hands.
Fortunately, you end at a distillery…
Distilleries have taken great measures to make their grounds a tourist destination. Maker’s Mark is very much the leader in this category… beautiful grounds and amazing artwork. Kate is very much a Dale Chihuly fan, and there are a few of his works around the place.
Everything you see while walking through the facility is a work of art.
Nerves settled, we left there and wandered again, this time on roads with lanes and lines, and relatively few places with no shoulder and a 20 foot drop off.
Stopped at this place, but didn’t tour… just walked around a bit.
And then headed off toward Louisville.
Found the waterfront and historic Main Street area of Louisville… it was just nice to be in the sun (75 degrees and not surrounded by snowbanks) and got some lunch and cocktails.
I just want some damned pie.
Pie. Kentucky pie, Derby pie… it’s a thing here. Google “best pie Lexington” and Ramsey’s comes up as a top pick for all thing pie. Great! Let’s just plug that address into the GPS and…
#blink# #blink# #blink#
Mary Maplady: “You’ve reached your destination.”
Me: “This is the middle of the UK campus, there’s nothing called Ramsey’s anywhere near here.”
MM:”Look buddy, you’re no joy to work with either. Going here, going there, always with the questions. How about you just let ME pick a place once in a while?”
Me:”But I want pie.”
MM: “It’s not good for you. Eat some celery instead there Chubs.”
Me:”Uncalled for and slightly hurtful. I’m turning you off.”
MM:”Good luck with that.”
Kate: “It says here that Missy’s is a good place for pie.”
[Switches to new GPS app]
New Map Lady:”You’ve reached your destination.”
Me:”There’s nothing called Missy’s in sight around here.”
MM: “You didn’t think you could get away form me that easily did you?”
Me: “I just want some damned pie.”
MM: “Look up dummy.”
Turns out Missy’s was about a block up ahead and we got our pie. It was delicious.