Philadelphia: Day One

I’ll take “Places There’s No Really Good Reason I’ve Never Been To” for $500, Alex…

At least I don’t think I’ve been here… it’s entirely possible that Mom loaded us in the family truckster at some point in my early formative years and dragged us through all of the historical things one does with kids, but I don’t remember it. And for certain I’ve never been here as an adult. One of my favorite things is to kidnap Bob and make her go do nerdy history things with me, so after assuring that she wouldn’t report me to the authorities for abducting her, I made reservations and swept her away for a long weekend in the 6th largest city in the United States. (Fun facts included free of charge.)

This is my fist Air BnB experience… if it’s representative of how it works all the time, I’ll do it again. Here’s the view from our 15th floor apartment (near Rittenhouse Square for those of you who realized that there’s no good reason not to have visited Philadelphia before I did and remedied that and have some functional knowledge of the city): (Note: I did this before Bob woke up because she was more than a little squeamish about me hanging out the 15th floor window to take a picture.)

After extensive consultation with the Google, Reading Teminal Market seemed like a good place to start… it’s close to the nerdy historical stuff and there’s food there. Lots and lots of food. Do I really, really want a smoked turkey leg, 11 lbs. of ox tail, three red snappers a gummy eyeball and a durian? Nope. Do I absolutely love the idea that if I wanted a smoked turkey leg, 11 lbs. of ox tail, three red snappers a gummy eyeball and a durian, I could find them all under one roof? Damn straight I do.

If sensory overload is something you worry about, you might want to think twice. But even then, I’d suggest you fight through it and stroll through… it’s unlike anything I’ve seen. Imagine if Chelsea Market met a mall food court and they went to a farmer’s market together, and while they were at the farmer’s market someone gave them magic mushrooms and they hallucinated that they were in Time’s Square.

It’s a lot. But it’s a good lot.

There’s an entire store of jerky. Mostly beef, but chicken, venison, turkey, duck and alligator also made appearances. And while “Hotter Than Lava Turtle Jerky” feels to me like it has nearly unlimited marketing potential, I decided to pass in favor of preserving my digestive tract as we headed off to more nerdy historical pursuits.

If you’re in Philadelphia, the Liberty Bell seems like a perfectly logical place to start doing historical things… so off we went. I was mildly surprised to be subjected to a security screening that stopped just shy of rubber gloves… I’ve had third dates with less groping.

Satisfied that I was without a means of mass destruction on my person, the security guard finally let me through and we wandered off through the history lessons on the bell and all it stands for. Does anyone else remember learning that the Liberty Bell was the bell that rang to signal the 2nd Continental Congress’ vote for independence and that it cracked while ringing in memory of Supreme Court Chief Justice John Marshall when he died?

Yeah, lies… Both of them, lies. No mention of a bell ringing to signal independence until about 70 years after the fact, and nobody is really sure when it cracked. “Sometime between 1817 and 1846” is the best anyone can figure. History teachers, man… apparently you can’t trust any of them.

I have some thoughts on the “liberty” associated with the Liberty Bell, but they’re for a different time and place.

Having glued the shattered pieces of my historical knowledge back together with a Caramel Apple Pie cookie form Insomnia Cookies (which delivers until 3am, in case you have an early morning emergency), we walked to Elfreth’s Alley, a historical neighborhood dating back to the early 1700’s. It’s a lane of about 30 houses, mostly historically intact (and privately owned, which baffles me) . Houses built for 1700’s people are not in any way similar to houses built for 2019 people. I’m sure some historical liberties have been bent (because, apparently that’s what we do… I’m looking at you Liberty Bell) but they’re essentially structurally unchanged from their 1700’s form. Very cool place though….

Next we moved on to Betsy Ross’ house (don’t even get me started on Betsy Ross history and the whole flag nonsense). What I DID learn though, is that apparently one of the leading causes of death among men in Philadelphia during the late 1700’s and early 1800’s was being married to Betsy Ross. Seriously… four husbands, all dead while married to her. No mention of this in any history books…

Bob did find an entirely appropriate sign to be photographed with at the Betsy Ross House:

So then, we did the most Philadelphia thing you can do, and sweet jesus am I glad we did.

Two words: “Whiz, wit.”

One more stop along the way for the day, again a very “you have to do it” Philadelphia thing:

A stop at the very unique Philadelphia boutique called “Target” for some supplies put a bowtie on the day and we called it quits. Having the foundations of your historical knowledge smashed to smithereens is tiring… maybe tomorrow will bring some more affirming history our way.

Kentucky: Day Five

GPS and Kentucky Roads

Okay Kentucky, what the hell? Day five, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever… I’ll get to that.

Let me start by admitting that I am dangerously close to becoming my grandparents with 12:00 #blink# #blink# #blink#-ing on the VCR because I can’t figure out how to set the time. I always assumed I would continue to be the computer-building, early tech-adopting super cool guy that I am (was) until I faded away.

Nope… 12:00 #blink# #blink# #blink#

The super-chic rented minivan is full of technology; GPS, built-in phone connection, particle accelerator… the whole deal. Except I can’t for the life of me figure out what the parameters are for connecting my phone. I believe it has something to do with relative humidity and/or barometric pressure, but I’m not certain. Sometimes Mary Maplady and her computery voice is happy to talk to us and guide us around Kentucky, other times… not so much. I have no idea why she goes on strike or decides that now would be the time to pipe up with some navigational instruction.

12:00 #blink# #blink# #blink#

Add to this that it turns out that our underwear-change inducing drive in Red River Gorge might not have been the unique Kentucky driving experience that we thought it was. There are roads in Kentucky that are ‘roads’ in the sense that they are (or were once) paved and there aren’t trees growing in the path you’re on. Mary Maplady prefers… nay… ADORES these ‘roads’ and goes out of her way to make sure we travel on them whenever possible. Today she decided that she would put in a full day’s work and guide us toward the Maker’s Mark Distillery. I’m pretty sure we drove through someone’s living room at one point. Sorry about that… a little Tide Stain Stick and baking soda will get those tire marks out of your carpet.

We wound our way around roads that are 6/11ths of a lane wide, with blind 90 degree turns and hills that crest to reveal whether there is a pickup truck barreling at you or not. The kind of relaxing, leisurely drive, after which you take a minute to pry your fingernails out of the dashboard and try to get the circulation back in your hands.

Fortunately, you end at a distillery…

I’ve seen this seal on every bottle of Maker’s Mark, never knew that it stood for “Samuel’s 4th Generation”.

Distilleries have taken great measures to make their grounds a tourist destination. Maker’s Mark is very much the leader in this category… beautiful grounds and amazing artwork. Kate is very much a Dale Chihuly fan, and there are a few of his works around the place.

Everything you see while walking through the facility is a work of art.

One of the stills… functioning. They all look like this. I kept expecting them to tell us that we were looking at the stuff they only show on the tour, but every part of the process is done with equipment that looks like it’s a display piece.

The buildings themselves are beautiful.

For just under $16K you can pick the oak to age your own barrel of Maker’s. It gets you 240 bottles of Maker’s Select, so it’s totally worth it.

Nerves settled, we left there and wandered again, this time on roads with lanes and lines, and relatively few places with no shoulder and a 20 foot drop off.

Stopped at this place, but didn’t tour… just walked around a bit.

And then headed off toward Louisville.

Found the waterfront and historic Main Street area of Louisville… it was just nice to be in the sun (75 degrees and not surrounded by snowbanks) and got some lunch and cocktails.

I just want some damned pie.

Pie. Kentucky pie, Derby pie… it’s a thing here. Google “best pie Lexington” and Ramsey’s comes up as a top pick for all thing pie. Great! Let’s just plug that address into the GPS and…

#blink# #blink# #blink#

Mary Maplady: “You’ve reached your destination.”

Me: “This is the middle of the UK campus, there’s nothing called Ramsey’s anywhere near here.”

MM:”Look buddy, you’re no joy to work with either. Going here, going there, always with the questions. How about you just let ME pick a place once in a while?”

Me:”But I want pie.”

MM: “It’s not good for you. Eat some celery instead there Chubs.”

Me:”Uncalled for and slightly hurtful. I’m turning you off.”

MM:”Good luck with that.”

Kate: “It says here that Missy’s is a good place for pie.”

[Switches to new GPS app]

New Map Lady:”You’ve reached your destination.”

Me:”There’s nothing called Missy’s in sight around here.”

MM: “You didn’t think you could get away form me that easily did you?”

Me: …

Me: “I just want some damned pie.”

MM: “Look up dummy.”

Turns out Missy’s was about a block up ahead and we got our pie. It was delicious.

Kentucky: Day Four

Whirlwind

Two very busy days in the books. The only two things we planned before leaving home were tours at Buffalo Trace and Maker’s Mark. Day four was the Buffalo Trace National Historic Landmark Tour, not so much about the Bourbon making process (which really doesn’t change much from place to place), but about the history of the people and the buildings that made it what it is. Awesome for history nerds, but if you’re looking for the fermentation chambers and stills, you aren’t going to find them on this one.

They keep the good stuff behind this door… They don’t seem to have any of the same shortage problems that a lot of the liquor stores around the world have.

Our tour guide was a wealth of knowledge (as a tour guide should be, I guess) and there is SO much history behind the entire Bourbon industry in Kentucky and (what is now) Buffalo Trace in particular. Colonel E.H. Taylor was the driving force behind making it what it eventually became. It turns out he’s a descendant of Zachary Taylor and James Madison. An amazing salesman and marketer but not so much an astute businessman, he had to be financially rescued a number of times, but always seemed to find someone willing to shell out big bucks for good bourbon. Some things never change…

Woodford Reserve was next… it was 39 degrees out, and while that may have still been 20 degrees warner than any temperature we’ve experiences at home in six months (I wore flip flops) it still seemed like a day to find indoor stuff to do. Woodford gives you a cool view of the whole process of Bourbon-making.

Lunch of course.

If you’re in Lexington, do yourself a favor and find Wallace Station. Two reasons; One - it’s on Old Frankfort Pike, which might be one of the prettiest drives anywhere. Two - Food. The place was one of the stops on Guy Fieri’s show, which I don’t think we knew before we went there… not that that would have been a plus or a minus, but it’s usually a good sign that locals think the place is worth hitting. And it is.

“Location, location, location” they say… This place is in the absolute middle of nowhere and it’s awesome. Good food trumps location any day.

We spent the rest of the day “right-or-left ing” our way around Central Kentucky. Found some very, very cool old towns… Danville and Bardstown were both “retired-teachers-don’t-live-here” beautiful, and the scenery along the Lincoln Heritage Byway is something I don’t think I’d ever get tired of.

The sun finally came out later in the day and we started looking around for something scenic and west-facing to photograph the sunset from. Bernheim Forest was our landing spot… and although the sunset itself was kind of ‘eh’, Bernheim is a pretty place and the sun was out, so it was hard to complain.

Kentucky: Day Three

… in which our heroes meet a legend.

Predicted rain and a tornado warning narrowed our options for day three to indoor activities. Like I said yesterday though, luckily the Bourbon making process takes place largely inside, and the original title of this particular vacation was “The Kentucky Bourbon Trail”, so off to Lawrenceburg we went.

There are about a gazillion distilleries within an hour drive from Lexington, and we chose Wild Turkey for absolutely no particular reason whatsoever. I’m glad we did. We arrived early for our 2 pm tour and had a wander around the gift shop/information center/tasting room.

Super cool place.

About two minutes into our wander, an older couple came in the door, and if you’re a Bourbon aficionado at all, the gentleman was immediately recognizable.

Jimmy Russell “The Buddha of Bourbon” himself, is entering his 65th year as master distiller at Wild Turkey. He and his wife (who has worked at Wild Turkey longer than he has) came in and sat and chatted with us for a while before we left on our tour. (And by “us” I mean literally “us”. He took the time to engage anyone and everyone who approached in a 1:1 conversation.) The scientist in me was absolutely fascinated by not only the depth of knowledge, but the ease with which he could explain any aspect of the process we had questions about. Why does the Bourbon stored on the top floor of the rickhouse taste different from the Bourbon stored on the bottom floor? What’s the black stuff you see crawling all over the outside of the rickhouses (storage warehouses)? What’s the difference between a copper still and a stainless steel one? Just an amazing wealth of knowledge and secrets and “things science can’t explain, but I’m telling you it makes a difference”.

And you know that shine in someone’s eyes when they’re talking about that thing they love more than anything else? He has that x 10,000 when he’s telling you all of this.

And guess what… HE DRIVES A SUPER-CHIC RED MINIVAN!!!! (I’m not kidding.)

Got a hand-signed bottle of the good stuff…

The rest of the tour at Wild Turkey was very cool, super informational, and ended with a tasting of five WT products. TIL: I like rye more than I thought I did and when someone walks you through what you’re tasting you can definitely taste the subtle nuances that come from the mashbill, the oak, and the blending process.

Just about $100,000 worth of Wild Turkey in this photo.

Left or right?

When we wander, we often drive aimlessly and ask “left or right?” when we get to an intersection. So pulling away from Wild Turkey we played a round “Back Roads Kentucky Left or Right?”

Of course there were horses.

And, of course a Scottish Castle in the middle of Kentucky that used to be a distillery and is recently reopened as a new distillery named “Castle and Key”. It reopened in September, so their Bourbon won’t be available until 2021, but they make vodka and gin, and there’s some really cool old stuff around the grounds.

That was pretty much it for Day Three… we made a stop at the most famous mural in downtown Lexington on the way home and called it a day.

More Bourbon and who-knows-what tomorrow!

Kentucky: Day Two

Nature

When on vacation, the absence of a plan is a good thing as far as I’m concerned… ‘Get out and explore’ is how we roll. (Full disclosure, I’m not even sure that we do, in fact, ‘roll’ in the strictest sense of the word. I’m pretty sure we’re not cool enough to roll. At our best we mosey… usually we amble.)

So today we ambled off in the direction of the Red River Gorge to see what we might find, and as much as neither of us tends to give off a particularly strong ‘nature lover’ vibe, some of the coolest things we’ve done while exploring have involved getting out in nature and seeing some really cool stuff. This definitely qualified as ‘cool stuff’. The views and vistas you get from the geologic features around the area are awesome, and we both felt that the Fall would be a particularly phenomenal time to visit.

Quick note to anyone thinking about following in our ambling footsteps: I strongly suggest at least one change of underwear for a day of driving (or riding) through and around the super-narrow roads that lead from one point of interest to another throughout the area. It starts with a trip though the Nada Tunnel that serves as the gateway to the RRG Geologic Area:

Can I just point out that the car you see squeaking through the tunnel in this photo is a MINI COOPER? The super-chic rented minivan was about as big a vehicle as I’d want to try to maneuver through this thing.

There it is… the unscathed family truckster.

Apparently constructed to move logs out of what is now the Daniel Boone National Forest, the tunnel serves as a gut-check for the navigation that is to come. Remember Brook, the 1:30 am hotel check-in guy with the vast historical knowledge? He told us that when the original tunnel was finished, the first train through got stuck in the tunnel and they only carved out enough around it to get that train through. I’m here to tell you that that has got to be a big, fat LIE… there is no train on Earth small enough to fit through the Nada Tunnel. (Worth noting that this prompted the two nerds in the sweet rental minivan into a long discussion about late 1800’s narrow-gauge vs. regular gauge railroad track installation in the United States. #historynerds)

As if to emphasize the travel-at-your-own-risk point, while we were looking at the park map at the visitor’s center, two clearly shaken and ashen-faced guys came in and asked if they could get a tow truck because they had just rolled their pickup truck off the road. We saw the carnage as we left, and I can’t even begin to imagine how they were going to get it out. I’ll spoil the suspense now and tell you we made it though the entire day without incident… mostly. Nothing serious, just a couple of vehicles that were adamant that their half of the road come from the middle, oncoming traffic be damned.

We hiked the Sky Bridge and Chimney Rock trails, which were both amazing but not super-conducive to being photographed. The scope and scale just don’t translate without the 360 degree views they both provide. I did get some shots of the scenery.

Nobody I know, just some rando that ignored the “YOU’RE GOING TO DIE!” signs posted all over Chimney Rock and hopped over the fence to pop a squat. I appreciate him both risking his life and wearing a nice, contrasty red t-shirt in order for me to get a decent photo.

The final stop of the journey turned out, for me, to be the photographic gold mine of the day. The Rock Bridge trail is a 1.5 mile trail (with some serious elevation changes) that winds back to a stream and a set of waterfalls.

In order to smooth out the waterfalls, I use a neutral density filter and a long exposure… 23 seconds in this case. The added benefit of doing that is that as people move in or out of the frame they generally don’t show up in the final image, or if they do it’s faint enough that they’re super easy to Photoshop out. This little dude stood stock-still for the entire 23 second exposure and actually turned out to provide a really cool element to the final image.

Tight crop of Standing-Still Kid.

The added moisture in the air from the sheltered waterfalls in the bottom of the gorge also made things really green.

Refueling

Having walked 3.5 miles and the equivalent of 35 flights of stairs up and down, I Googled “best Kentucky food” to find a place for dinner. Not that I minded Chez Kroger dinner from yesterday, but I was looking for something a little more substantial after all of today’s naturing. All I have to say is “Thank you Google, from the bottom of my heart.”

Unless you’re visiting Eastern Kentucky University or have relatives there, or are the sort of people who will venture off in your super-chic rented minivan an hour out of the way to find good food, you might never find yourself in Richmond, Kentucky. (In fact, there’s a solid chance you probably didn’t even know there was a Richmond, Kentucky until the end of that last sentence.) But if you do find yourself there, do yourself a favor and find Meeple’s Restaurant and Cafe. You’re welcome.

It’s definitely a college-haunt, hangout type of place… very casual, no table service, games and puzzles at every table, and good food. Really. Good. Food.

The Charlotte Burger: Angus beef, pepper jack cheese, jalapeños, a fried egg and blackberry jam. Yup. I’m sure I would never have dreamed this combination, but I’m glad someone did. (Oh, and a honeydew lemonade.)

Great punctuation on a great day. Tomorrow is supposed to be rainy-stormy-miserable. A good day to be inside. Fortunately most distilleries are inside.

Kentucky: Day One

Getting There is Half the Battle.

Flying is not my favorite activity. Check that… I have no issues with actual air travel, it’s the process. Econo class was not designed for anyone to travel in comfort, never mind 6’3”, 300 lb (I’m working on it) dudes. This particular trip was fine until we boarded in Chicago for the second leg of our flight. We sat… and sat… and sat… Something about baggage handlers and lightning and… whatever guy, I’ve been huffing jet fuel in the back of the plane here for the better part of an hour and I’m starting to hallucinate. Once we backed away from the gate and awaited the signal to begin taxiing, we set off, apparently to drive to Detroit so we could take off there?

At any rate, once we landed in Lexington, got our luggage and our sweet rented Chrysler Pacifica minivan (I officially apologize for making fun of minivans my whole life… this thing is awesome) we set off for the hotel… where we met Brook. Because the world is a tiny, tiny small place, of course the hotel clerk in Lexington Kentucky used to live in a microscopic town a half an hour from where we live. And of course that led to a half hour long oral history report of Lexington, the entire state of Kentucky, Colonel Sanders, John Swift’s silver mine… all at 1:30 in the morning. I wondered a couple of times if I might still be hallucinating from the jet fuel.

Daylight comes

After a quick sleep, we set out today in our super-chic rented minivan to get the lay of the land and check out Lexington and the surrounding areas… and make a trip to Costco for water and snacks. Once the essentials were procured, we headed toward Lexington’s ‘Distillery District’ for lunch. The James E. Pepper 1776 Distillery houses Goodfellas Pizza. If you’d ever told me that one of the best slices of pizza I’d ever had would come from Kentucky, I would have accused you of sitting in the back of a plane huffing jet fuel for too long.

According to my vast knowledge of Lexington (gained from about 20 minutes sitting in traffic this morning), there is definitely a very strong “artsy” feel to the city. There are murals scattered throughout the city, including this one on the wall of the building adjacent the Pepper Distillery and Ethereal Brewing:

The whole complex includes bunch of bars and breweries with a lot of outdoor seating and the whole place felt like somewhere I could drop an anchor and just hang.

The Break Room… which I don’t think is as divey as it looks.

I Expected More Horse Farms

As we left the Distillery District, we both agreed that we expected Lexington to me more… I don’t know… “horsey”. A quick Google of “Lexington Horse Farms” took us to the Old Frankfort Pike. Kentucky Highway 1681 is exactly what I envisioned horse farm territory to look like... and then some. We even stopped off and made some friends along the way.

From the nibble marks along miles of fencing, this is apparently normal horse behavior.

This girl scared the living bejeezus out of me about a minute before this. She snuck up on me (to the extent that a nearly seven foot tall, half-ton creature can ninja up on anyone) and took a light nibble of my camera while I was pointed in the other direction.

She played shy at first, but we became good friends.

So by sunset on day one, we were both feeling the effects of a long day’s travel and a short night’s sleep. We called it a day, got dinner at a delightful little restaurant called “Kroger” and shut it down until tomorrow.